...alone

no matter who's around me, i feel...

no matter what anyone tells me i feel...

no matter where i am i feel...

when im home i feel...

when i walk i feel...

when i wake up i feel...

when i shower i feel...

when i eat i feel...

when i go to the mall i feel...

when i sit at a table and the other seat is empty i feel...

when i suffer from pain and everyones too buisy to listen i feel...

when i do so much for you and still you seem to not care i feel...

when i ask you to meet my girlfriend and you say no i feel...

when i come home and i cant speak to you about my day i feel...

growing up with no friends i felt...

not being able to have ppl over i felt...

growing up thinking the world was evil outside of the church made me feel...

knowing that you dont want to be a part of my life outside those doors makes me feel so...

knowing that your leaving next year makes me feel...

locked up in my room i feel...

saying hi and bye only makes me feel...

when i try to tell you about my day and you just say "thats what wordly ppl do" makes me feel...

when i take you out on dates and do nice things for you and in turn i get ignored and hung up on and trampled all over i feel so...

when for one small argument you can stay away for an entire day i feel so...

when i cant decide on what to do with my life i feel so...

when you tell me your going out day after day after day and having fun while im stuck with no invites or no plans i feel so...

when you tell me what you and your family do i feel so...

when you tell me of the love your family shares i feel so...

when you post facebook statuses telling of your success i feel so...

when i see tv shows and movies of happiness and love i feel so...

when you would tell me to get over it and hang up i feel so...

when you would walk away from me and slam the door in my face i would feel so...

when i would cry on the phone to you about my life and the very next moment or day you would again treat me how you see fit i would feel so...

when i sit at home on a friday and look through my fone to c who i can ask to go out i feel...

when i cant pick anyone kuz they are too buisy i feel so...

when i go through my buddy list to look for someone to spend time with i feel...

when i see all the away messages of plans i feel so...

when even in the company of someone i found to go out with i feel so...

i didnt begin my life feeling...

i dont want to live my life feeling...

i dont want to end my life feeling...

i believe i will rest my soul feeling...

...alone.

Redo!

Im back at it once again. After a horrible car accident left me with no other choice than public transportation, I am once more saving in order to buy me a good reliable car that I hope will last me until im able to purchase a brand new one. It seems as though i am always in debt, it frustrating yes, but complaining about it wont get me anywhere.



i want a 2001 4 door honda civic so damn bad!!! i would sell my piinky toe for one! but anywho, back to the hardwork, back to the sacrificing, back to the no fun for like EVER.... Lifes never easy so I just need to keep to it. I'll have a car in no time. (i hope)





(~sigh~ why cant money grow on trees)

old SCHOOL worries.

So another year has finally begun and my insecurities on the future continue to haunt me. i dont even know how many years its been now and I still am not sure in which direction I should point my life in.

Everyone tells me that there is still time, but is there really? I wish I just knew which road to take. Life just doesnt seem to get any easier regardless of what anyone may say.

All I can do at this point is try my hardest to ace these classes and hope that one day my passion and purpose in life will come running up to me and smack me straight in the face...yea that's my dream.

Positive thinking never seemed more vital before. Now as I get older, I am solely responsible on how my life turns out. I am to blame for my mistakes, as well as I am to congratulate for my success...seems scary at times but no one ever said it would be easy. I just hope i can make it.